I am introducing a new word to describe a new problem – Vaugism. It means being deliberately vaugue in order to lead someone on. It is happening more and more and normally I can spot it, but some times, only after I commit.

It happened to me first when I went to a dating agency. This was some time ago, before computers. It was the first and last time I considered using such a service. I met the proprietor who took my details and then handed me a list of suitable suitors. Against each name was a space with a description of that person. The words filled only one third of the space available and immediately I saw what was going on. The less information I am given about the prospective partner, the more likely I am going to want to meet them. Why, after all, would you not want to fill that space? Most people could fill an A4 sheet of paper about themselves. Some would go a lot further. But once you have the detail, are you going to like them more or less? Well, obviously the more detail, the less likely you are going to want to meet them and less likely to pay a fee. The company was in this for fees, not to make people happy, and therefore, best business practice is ‘vaugism’. I spotted the business strategy, decided not to waste my time and others and left without paying a bean.

But with the coming of computers, vaugism is on the rampage. I bought a bike on e-bay. I was keen to buy an aluminium bike and this bike was described as ‘an aluminium bike’ in the heading. What could go wrong? Well after I won the bid it emerged that this was a steel bike, not an aluminium bike. The lady said she was selling it for a friend. She argued that if I had read the questions and responses I would have seen that it was steel. I argued that I had no reason to read the Q and A’s as all I wanted was an aluminium bike. I did the honourable thing and refunded her advertising costs, which made her think I was admitting guilt and she kept being annoyed at my ebay style. I replied that I had never submitted a false selling description on ebay, and she shut up.

I went into a restaurant with a list of meals on a chalk board. I chose one. The waiter said that was not available. As I continued through the menu it became apparent he had very little on offer at all. Instead of creating a new menu, they prefer to get customers in, sell them a drink and then disapoint them.

Artificial intelligence is based on algorithms. A restaurant menu is just a small algorithm with yes, no answers in respect to availability. That is fine for websites and business models designed to get the money, before disappointing the customer. Algorithms have no shades of grey, no ‘maybe’, ‘perhaps’, ‘sometimes’, ‘subject to this and that’. It either is or is not. Artificially vaugue.

So when I booked a hotel for this weekend, I knew that above all else, I wanted to be able to park at the hotel. I selected the search filter for hotels that offered parking. I chose rooms in a hotel out of the busy city centre because most hotels in town had no parking. I paid my money. All booked and happy. Then along comes a confirmation email saying that I need to pay extra for parking and book it in advance. This was suprise! Ok, I will pay anything to park, so book it. Then comes the reply email, ‘please ask at reception on arrival who will see if a space is available.’

I have been cleverly moved through a series of options from ‘parking available’ to ‘maybe parking available’. If the second option had been presented at the begining, then I would have chosen somewhere else. Well done vaugism, you just caught another unsuspecting customer.

Friends rented a house claiming, accurately, to sleep nine people. It omitted to state how many bedrooms there were. Yes, that hits the ‘vaugism’ alarm! It turns out four of the beds are in one room. It’s a three bedroom house, not four, cleverly disguised by ommision. I slept on a mattress in the living room.

I have health insurance as I live in Europe. It says that the health insurance covers the cost of an ambulance. So on the day when I think I am dying and call an ambulance using 112 the european emergency number, an ambulance came. But later, when it thankfully emerged to be a scare only, the health insurance people refuse to pay for the cost of the ambulance. Why? Because they know something you don’t. In this country there is a system of private and public ambulances. I didn’t read that in the policy summary? Even if the public ambulance is three kilometers away and the private ambulance is twenty, you have to wait for the private ambulance and take your chances on not dying in the meantime. If you are unconscious, and an ambulance is called on your behalf, no one is going to know or ask if you need a private ambulance.

I find it hard to believe that such an unethical and unfair system exists in any European country, but it does in Spain. If you are selling health insurance, you need to keep this information under wraps, which means write it ‘terms and conditions’. To draw customers into buying a policy, be vaugue in the summary and just say, ‘ambulance included.’

Vauguism is sometimes unconcealed stupidity, sometimes concealed cunning. It is down to the customer to read the small print in every contract. If the contract is vaugue, and new information comes along after you have paid, reach for the feedback button. Let all the other unsuspecting customers that the vaugism virus is endemic.