I was once asked in a job interview whether I thought mixed education was a good idea. My answer was that I thought the longer men and women had to understand each other, the better. Pretty smart answer but it pointed at the problem rather than a solution. Here, after a good many decades of experience is a maxim I present for some thought;

Men have strength, women have beauty.

Clearly it’s not true for all men and all women but it’s as good a summary of the difference between the genders as I can think. It’s a Ying Yang thing of course. Some men strive to be beautiful and some women strive to be strong. In reality, we are each a unique blend of both. This is because our minds reflect both masculine and feminine aspects as defined by the great psychologist, Professor Carl Jung. But to keep the idea focused, let us accept that as a generalisation, it has some ability to steer our thoughts in the right direction.

Tales of men with strength are in abundance. From Samson in the Bible, Atlas in ancient Greek myth and the modern versions of the same; Superman and his hero buddies. Although the reality of personal combat is that there is always going to be someone stronger than you, the pride and vanity of the male, beef up his own self image. Some are tempted to enter the gymnasium, consume buckets of steroids and whole chickens as they construct bigger and better versions of their muscular / skeletal bodies. We see this image and the myth that it is in advertising and the media in general. It is as if we really need to believe in this larger than life image super hero character who lifts cars and throws elephants for amusement. Children quickly pick up on this and boys contort their super hero dolls as they bish bash and bosh everything that comes their way.

There is something in the male psyche that believes in this myth so much, that men enact their Alpha-male instincts through out their lives, long after it has been productive in attracting a mate. Cars tend to get bigger, faster – more muscular – as men put on the spare tyre and decades of decadence. What ever their figure outside the car, once behind the wheel, nobody suspects their muscular impotence and shallow self importance.

Women on the other side of this paradigm, have similar fairy tales, myths and legends to indulge their fantasies of beauty. From Snow White and the mirror that specialises as a beautician, to Helen of Troy – the most beautiful woman in the world – women have just as hard a time as the men in creating themselves. Young girls quickly pick up on this female obsession, and their adolescence is made sometime intolerable as a result. Enter a department store anywhere in the world and your first experience is polish, perfume, powder and pinkness. Women with immaculate make up and whiter than white clothing, beam out at prospective customers. And so a woman’s lot is to work this farrow for their whole lives, becoming more and more frustrated as the years pass. Unlike the men, they have no where to hide their fading petals, other than in the golden rooms where plastic surgeons pull and tuck sliding flesh back into place.

Somewhere between these Barbie dolls and Action Men – these two paradigms collide. They bring together enough fissile material, that in the confines of a ballroom, bar, office – create the atomic explosion humans know as, love. Men are mesmerised by the projected image of perfect beauty that appears on the females face.  Women in turn feel the strong arms of the male curl around her protectively, reassuringly supporting her myth created fragility.

Men become complete when they have a beautiful women in tow, whether they are Mark Anthony washing down Cleopatra with milk or president of the United States of America with the skeletal form of Melania T, that follows him around.

What a pity then that this state of things begins to fall apart with age. Only those couples who have a relationship below the surface of these deceptions, experience a psychic spring in their old age, while the others experience a winter.

We have to lose the fascination in the myths of strength and beauty, to find what is really happening in the dance between the genders.

Dance on old couple, for this is your tune, your moment and our inspiration.