I heard an interviewee on the radio use the phrase ‘joy through suffering’. He had used hard drugs like heroine and cocaine, that had practically ruined his life. He had pulled through and was now a successful restaurant owner and chef in New York.

He was not talking about the ‘joy of suffering’. That is different and reserved for the sadistic. But he had realised that suffering is a part of being human in a way that cannot be avoided.

Suddenly our bodies don’t work, the environment plays dirty tricks – as can other humans, accidents and deliberates* of all kinds shatter or partially shatter lives. (*I made that word up but you know what I mean)

Guatama Buddha contemplated the state of suffering and how to deal with it, from which came Buddhism – sorry if that is an oversimplification to Buddhists. He realised that his life of luxury as a prince was teaching him nothing about the human condition.

I don’t know what he would make of the modern expectation of ‘being happy’. In a largely secular and technology led society, the west has been able to create lives in which we hardly suffer. Being ‘unhappy’ is something to get away from, rather than adapt and learn from. In the United Kingdom we should hardly be surprised when we bring up a generation of young people who have been wrapped in the metaphorical ‘cotton wool’, to whom any discomfort is intolerable. (This was the finding of a recent ‘think tank’)

There is a fairy story called ‘The Princess and the Pea’ which illustrates the point. The Princess could feel a pea under the mattress of her bed and it was causing her discomfort. She orders another mattress on top of her present one, but this did not solve the problem. She continued piling mattress upon mattress, but was never comfortable.

There is something about the nature of suffering which is encapsulated in this story. With an unrealistic attitude to ‘comfort’ you will never rest. Much, or even most of suffering, is in the mind rather than the body. I don’t think the moral of the story was ‘remove the cause’ although this clearly is another dimension. The story is more about the mental attitude which – even today – we recognise as the ‘princess’ syndrome; avoiding suffering and never being satisfied.

It’s a kind of curse on mankind, this suffering business – said to have been introduced by God as a punishment after Eve (maybe a bit of a princess) wanted what she was told she could not have.

In Christianity ‘Jesus died on the cross for our sins’, as if the suffering of one is an reason and / or excuse for others not to experience the same. The flaw in this ‘magical’ doctrine is exposed when Christians experience suffering. They wonder what sort of God gives cancer to a cute child, or kills a family in a car crash.

The only comfort pill offered is the promise that heaven awaits Christians after death. Not everyone however is convinced and it’s not just Christianity who believes in this promise. Muslims are promised an entry to paradise after death. Unprovable statements are not only possibly true, but possibly untrue. Hardly worthy of ways of living, you might think.

Joy through suffering is something more tangible. It doesn’t mean to me a ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ but rather a row of lights in the tunnel. Those who really suffer through disability or disease, often display a sort of optimism which is not explainable to the observer. What gets blind people out of bed in the morning? And yet their disability is something they come to terms with and find joy in living, other than through the eyes.

At a mental level, suffering is a meditative state, that requires and exercises the hidden strength that I believe, we all contain. Humans are incredibly resilient – physically and mentally. Mentally we can endure incredible hardship such as solitary confinement, and emerge from the experience stronger, wiser.

So let your children cry a little. Let them experience how hard it is sometimes to be a human being. Let them be aware of others who suffer – other children in war zones who appear briefly – dazed and depleted on our television screens.

Suffering teaches us through experience and observation. Without it we cannot know the opposite of suffering. And that is a joy, the joy of being human and able to embrace contradictions.