Brexit or Ukexit?

The group of islands up above the 51^st parallel or there about, has taken millenium to get itself together. It has spent much of it’s time being totally disparate and weak. The Romans exploited this and had a relatively easy time invading and colonising. Then the Normans were able to exploit confusion over who was king and who was not, and seized the throne from Harold, who was out of breath from fighting the Vikings ‘up north’.

The Normans built some very nice castles to prevent the locals thinking about things for themselves. Then followed some extremely nice cathedrals, giving work to masons and keeping general labourers off the streets.

This very French version of order settled things down amongst the disparate Nations, who previously had not believed they had anything in common.

The Welsh were subdued to English rule, as were the Picts in Scotland. Even the Irish felt okay until religion raised it’s ugly mitre. But after much time arguing about which version of Christianity was the better, a line separated the protestant counties of Ireland in the north from the cat’olics in the south.

Everything was going so well, that the British set about subduing much of the world and helped themselves to payment in return.

The British Empire was based mainly on the way it had been divided and ruled by foreigners. They just did the same to the rest of the world. So successful were they had they decided to call themselves, ‘Great Britain’.

At some later point, the protestant provinces of Northern Ireland gate crashed the party, and  added to ‘Great Britain’, you get the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.

I have summarised the history of the last two thousand years for the sake of the politicians who continue to use the conflated word ‘Brexit’, thinking they describe the process of leaving the European Union.

Whilst we all enjoy these conflations, one small matter should be considered before they are used. They should mean what they say. I am not sorry for being pedantic and spoiling what superficially sounds like a jolly good new word, but using this term shows an alarming misunderstanding of history and the referendum of June 2016.

The question was whether the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland should leave the European Union. I know that various nationalist politicians have made their own interpretations of who voted what – Scotland for instance voted to remain. But the question on the ballot paper did not ask whether Scotland should leave the European Union. As the examiners at school say, ‘read the question before you answer it’.

Neither London (remain) nor Wales (leave) nor Northern Ireland (can’t remember) voted as nationalists but internationalists – that is, United Kingdom citizens.

If we wonder why it is necessary to talk down this petty nationalism, perhaps the issue is that the UK has never become united. The simple geography of the nation having a capital in the south of the country, has enabled those with a geographical view to complain about the government being ‘far removed’ – geographically and by inference, politically.

If you stand on a cliff in Northern Ireland, on a clear day you can see a cliff in Scotland. The two countries are separated on by a narrow fetch of water and yet politically, this schism causes a disproportionate amount of angst.

So these disparate nations, joined together by history more than geography, have entered the national psyche so deeply that not even the most politically correct pedant in parliament has objected to the use of the new word, Brexit.

But, Britain is not exiting. The United Kingdom is exiting. It’s that simple. And you have to start using Ukexit because it should be offensive to the good souls of Northern Ireland and Gibraltar not to. I say this conscious of the illusion of authority I gain by making a complaint on behalf of a third party – known as ‘political correctness’. I live in neither place so cannot speak on their behalf. But wouldn’t it be thrilling is someone somewhere spotted this almost Freudian use of Brexit? Are we frightened to face the shadows of the past?

Think bubble emerges from head of prime minister Teresa Darling Buds, of May – so much simpler if we didn’t have to include Northern Ireland and Gibraltar in these negotiations. We are not sure how they voted in the 2016 referendum and we don’t think it significant any way. By the way how many people are there in Gibraltar? Is there a parliament at the moment in Northern Ireland? Who are the DUP and what do they think? Should we include the Falkland Islanders? Do they use the Euro as a currency like the French ex-colonies do? Could we get the Mexicans to build a wall between Eire and Northern Ireland? Oh! I can’t bear all these questions! Let’s just forget everywhere else except Britain. Brexit is a good word. We will only think and say Brexit.