When a report hits the television screens of a computer driven car being involved in a collision on a public road, suspicions are levelled at the computer driven car.

Little consideration is given to the possibility that some idiot drove into it.

There was an advertisement for a German make of car where the other road users are stereo typed as clowns. The driver of the car being promoted had to avoid the foolishness of bizarre drivers of other cars, dressed as clowns. Both were of course up to the job.

Nothing opens the lid on the workings of the human brain as well as studying driving habits, prejudices, self opinion, assumed level of skill, courtesy, un-controlled emotion…well probably the whole spectrum of human mental and emotional behaviour.

Like actors in an ancient Greek tragedy who’s personality is refracted by a mask, drivers on modern roads change who they are. An alternative ego takes over prepared to face risk of being one of the ten people who die on the roads of the United Kingdom each day. Ready to take part in, not play, but real tragedies.

Few would say, when asked, that they are bad drivers. In fact there is almost an inverse square law where the worse the driver, the better they think they are. For instance, the young 18 year old showing off to his or her mates squeezed into the back seats, and the front suicide seat, will demonstrate the rally driving skills acquired in their imaginations. Clearly rally driving is not part of the driving test. This divergence between imagination and reality accounts for a large number of tragic deaths.

At the other end of the scale are the elderly. As old age takes away their reflexes and eyesight, their imaginations and determination to remain ‘independent’ reinforces a fantasy that they are very experienced and therefore safe drivers.

And everyone between these age extremes, has some wolf clothing or other that they put over their woolly fleeces when driving. I can say this with some certainty, because I watch drivers on public roads. At any given moment, I would say that between 8 and 9 out of ten drivers are exceeding the speed limit.

I drive at the maximum legal speed limit when safe to do so, which makes me a ‘slow driver.’ I know this because most drivers are desperate to overtake me. This is especially on motorways where there is a dedicated lane for driving stupidly fast which many drivers never leave.

I read on the internet a driver criticising what he termed, ‘slow drivers’ and this started me thinking. What is a ‘slow driver?

Am I one of those drivers that infuriate him because I do not cross the maximum legal speed limit?

The rule of thumb used to be ‘keep up with the traffic’, but with speed cameras on duty, why go with the sheep to the slaughter? If you wish to obey traffic laws, you will be an unpopular driver.

I expect there is a particular type of slow driver who the motorway police sometimes encounter. It’s characteristically the elderly lady in a small car wearing ash tray glasses and limited by a fear of moving from second into third gear, especially on motorways where the traffic is ‘going much to fast’ in her view.

I don’t think I have ever encountered such a person in my driving years. But I will encounter a fast driver exceeding the speed limit, taking unnecessary and futile risks to his and other’s lives, for the sake of arriving somewhere a few minutes quicker.

I have to share what I now know about arriving at one’s destination early or on time. I have practised it for years and am rarely late. I even have time to park, check my emails, collect my stuff together and remove valuables from my car. Do you want to know how I beat all the ‘fast drivers’. I leave five minutes early and arrive five minutes early.

And I am fairly convinced now that driving fast has little effect on one’s arrival time. To any observer of traffic, it can be seen to travel, only as fast as the slowest vehicle. True, you can overtake, but that is a skill not all drivers have, preferring to tail-gate and in this way causing one in eight collisions in the UK. And even if Mr. Toad can find a length of empty road to put his webbed foot on the gas pedal, he is most likely to reach the next traffic jam or red lights, stop and be caught up by the ‘slow drivers’ he thought he had left behind. Traffic in computer simulations resembles a caterpillar in it’s bizarre determination to rush and then wait. Having noted this, traffic controllers reduce the speed of traffic on motorways, such as the M25, to keep volume of moving traffic at it’s maximum.

If we pursue an abstract idea and imagine an empty motorway ( say on the dark side of the moon because I have never seen one ) – even on this motorway where there are no other drivers and no speed limits, driving fast will arithmetically gain very little time. Do the maths if you don’t believe me!

A philosophical way to view travel is as speed, distance and time. All are relative to each other. So for instance if you want to arrive earlier, fresher and more cheaply; don’t go so far. Yes, I mean it! Forget the two hour commute to work each morning and evening and move house! Or consider time as a piece of elastic rather than a series of regular ticks and tocks. Stretch yourself out a little and enjoy driving, being where you are; taking pleasure in the views, watching the people and places or at least allowing your passengers this pleasure since as a driver you are only concentrating on staying alive.

I think we need to begin to change our expectations around getting places quickly by private transport, because hyper-loops and fast trains will make long journeys by car obsolete. We will use hybrid fuel cell / electric Poodle cars which drive themselves and are unable to go over the maximum safe speed limit, even down hill with a tail wind. Driving stupidly close to the car in front to make it’s driver break the law, will not be an option. You won’t even involved in a collision again because if there are only Poodle cars there is are no human X-factors. People who might have died, will not.

Come in Mr. Toad…you time is up!