Now I want you all to come and sit in the story time circle children. Come along now! Timothy! Don’t scrape your chair. No, it is not a Roman chariot crossing the finishing line made of the bodies of slaves, it’s just a chair. That’s right. Thank you boys and girls. Sitting up straaaaaight! Good.

Now this morning we are going to learn some new words. This is part of our Easy English Learning Year 2 book exercise 11. No Jonathan you don’t need your book. Well because it’s a simple lesson so you don’t need your book.

So listening…my arm is up Peter! What can we say to make the sentence ‘the cat sat on the mat’ sound better?

No Simon, dead cats do not sit on mats. Well they sort of fall over – but that is not the point – it is not nice to think of dead cats. No please don’t cry Susan. There isn’t really a dead cat, nor a real cat at all. It’s just something we are trying to talk about and the boys are being silly.

So now, how can we make ‘the cat sat on the mat’ a more interesting thing to talk about?

No ideas? Well has anyone heard their Mummy or Daddy or Carer say ‘to be honest’ before a sentence? You all have! Except you Carol…because your Daddy is in prison. Well that doesn’t mean he is not honest some of the time. Susan , stop crying now and go and help Carol stop crying. And whilst that is happening look this way; and I want someone to try out my suggestion. Wendy…how about you.

Wendy ‘To be honest, the cat sat on the mat.’

That’s really good, thank you Wendy. Do you see class how by saying ‘to be honest’ the meaning of the short sentence sounds more likely to be true than not true? Yes Giles, it might not be true at all. You think there might not be a cat…or a mat. But I am saying in this case there is. All RIGHT! Sorry I didn’t mean to shout. Let me have a hanky please Carol. Thank you.

So, now we can say, ‘to be honest’ in front of any sentence can’t we children? Just like our Mummies and Daddies and Carers do, and don’t they sound clever people when they do? Yes, of course they do and they sound really, well, honest.

Well sometimes grown ups are not honest so by saying ‘to be honest’ makes people believe what they say, John. No, not just amongst Gangsters. Nor criminals like Carol’s Dad. Nor corrupt officials or members of parliament. Look I don’t know why I am saying this. To be honest I want you all to listen carefully. See what I just did to get your attention? Yes, clever wasn’t it?

So, now our simple sentence has become longer.

To be honest the cat sat on the mat.

Who is clever enough to think how we can make this sentence more true sounding? You can Penny? Have a go then and all listening to Penny, class please.

Penny: To be honest, the cat actually sat on the mat.

Well done Penny. How did you know that? Your Mum actually says actually a lot actually? That’s clever of her.

And can you see what Penny has taught us children? Timothy don’t lean back on your chair like that. It’s dangerous. Yes, it is actually dangerous, actually.

So, what other word can we add to our simple sentence?

Your hand was up first Annabel…yes you may be excused but be quick! Anyone else? Simon?

Simon ‘So, to be honest, the cat actually sat on the mat,

actually.’

Good Simon. I don’t think we need two actual actually’s in the same sentence actually…what is it Timothy, put your hand down. Oh, did I just say three actually’s, twice? Well, that’s the good thing about our English lesson today. No one is going to notice how many times you say ‘So’ and ‘to be honest’ and ‘actually’ because everyone is saying these words so many times that it’s difficult to notice them any more.

Yes, even an English teacher like me doesn’t notice them Simon, because they are such useful words and expressions. Grown ups think it is clever to use them so I think you children should learn to say them as well.

No it is not ‘inane padding’ Peter. Who did you hear say that? Your Dad is an English teacher…yes I already know that actually…because he taught me when I was in big school. OK, call it secondary education if you want Peter. I am not going to argue. Well, since you ask, I am trying to make my speech simple for those who are not as fast as you at English, that’s why. Now can we review what we have learnt in our work books? Go back to your tables and open your English books to a new page. Slowly Stephen, it’s not a race! And as you are getting ready I am writing our new improved sentence on the board and I want you to copy it.

Peter. You are not writing? Where is your pen and book? It’s not drivel I assure you. Well there is nothing wrong with ‘the cat sat on the mat’ it’s just that in 2019 it’s a bit old fashioned. It’s much more normal to say, to be honest at the beginning. Even when you are an honest person, yes, even then because the other person might not know how honest you might be. No it’s not an absolute proof of honesty. No, I don’t think I would buy a used car from someone saying this, they could be dishonest just like any other person. It’s just an expression. Yes, possibly an expression that is not true but when it comes to cats and mats it normally, in fact most likely, is true. And that is also why we say ‘actually’ as well, yes. We actually do. We really really really do say actually.

When you do actually get to University to study English, you can write to me in my retirement home and tell me how wrong I was today. Until then Peter I want you to write the word actually on the last page of your exercise book one hundred times.

And the rest of you can go now. No running!

Peter, start actually writing actually.