The Idiots Guide to Fast Driving

Readers may remember my personal definition of a ‘slow driver’ as someone who drives at or just below the maximum permitted speed limit. These drivers are a curse to those who for whatever reason have set off on a journey without enough time to reach their destination. By an unmeasured observation I would estimate that at least eight or nine out of ten drivers fall into the latter category. For these these drivers, there is good news and bad news.

First the good news. Here are a few pointers to driving fast like an idiot. Tailgating is a favoured driving technique for idiots on the road. When asked if they drive faster when they are close to the vehicle in front or when including a gap to allow for breaking, fast drivers believe that being close is the faster option. This is presumably because they intend to message the ‘slow driver’ in front to speed up even though this is not something they are comfortable with. If there is a ‘speed trap’ ahead, it is not the tailgater who will be awarded a speeding fine. If fast drivers who tailgate need to improve their driving skills then they may wish to learn to overtake.

Tailgater’s are of two types. Those who overtake and those who do not.

I will include a personal story here of a lady driver who tail-gated me for a considerable number of miles including a long straight downhill in which it was safe to overtake. Because of she seemed unable to leave a breaking gap or overtake, I decided to abandon my normal route and take a left into a minor road. To my horror the lady tailgater did the same! Looking in my rear view mirror I indicated my intention to stop with my left indicator and gently slowed down to a stop. To my amazement the lady driver had done exactly the same and was positioned a few yards from my rear bumper. I watched as she was forced to engage reverse gear, stop, indicate and manoeuvre around my stationary vehicle. This is an extreme example of a non-overtaker.

The other affect of non-overtaker tailgaters on other road users is that they prevent other vehicles from overtaking. In the event of say a slow moving lorry travelling under the legal speed limit with a tailgater locked into it’s slipstream, there are now two vehicles to overtake instead of just one. This is considerably more dangerous for those behind the lorry and tailgate but is the only option. If the overtaker behind the tailgater suddenly has an oncoming vehicle appear the overtaker must pull into the safety gap between the tailgater and slow moving lorry. This usually infuriates the tailgater who feels that they have a right to not leave a gap in front of their car to allow others to overtake.

However tailgaters, can be over takers, and this is the second type. To them a slow moving vehicle (usually travelling just under the legal speed limit) is a hinderance to their journey, to be overcome at any cost.

Their first manoeuvre is to tuck in close behind the vehicle in front. If this is a lorry or van or caravan, they will become invisible to the driver in front. The rear view mirrors are unable to view the blind spot extending several car lengths behind. Any emergency stop by the forward vehicle will not take account of any vehicle behind. Any turning left or right at junctions or even an overtake will not be done whilst aware of the tailgater. This is particularly dangerous for motorcyclists who I have rarely seen tailgating, probably for this reason. The ultimate danger is of course the emergency stop or sudden change of speed by the vehicle in front, for which the tailgater will have no warning. Drive into the back of a lorry at your peril.

You would not think that it is not necessary to tailgate on a motorway when the overtaking lane is clear. But the ‘idiot’ driver often finds it necessary to do just this, particularly drivers of lorries and vans. Having driven for hundreds of thousands of miles just a few feet from the vehicle in front, why should anything untoward happen? I have watched vehicles stop on a motorway because two swans have landed and settled down ( later to both appear on Channel 4’s Breakfast show after a rescue by the two presenters in a sports car). I have followed at a safe distance a driver having an epileptic fit. The expression of the two young boys in the rear window as the door handles flew off because of hitting the safety barrier was nothing you want to see. The head on collision into two oncoming lanes of traffic under a bridge when the safety barrier stop, was also something you never want to see.

Lastly, fast drivers have ‘their own’ lane on motorways. It is the outside land. When positioned in this lane and travelling considerably in excess of the legal speed limit, all other vehicles have to give way to you. They cannot pull out in front of you as you approach, and those travelling the same lane but more slowly, they have to pull over to allow you to continue to break the law and pose a risk of a violent death to yourself and others.

So fast drivers, whoever you are, what horrors do you have to experience to make you want to slow down to the legal speed limit? The good news is you may not have to. European Legislation in four years time will mean that new cars will be fitted with technology that will make it impossible to drive above the legal speed limit. I remember this idea being common in Japan several decades ago. An annoying alarm sounded in cars when they went over the maximum permitted speed limit. Now with cameras and automatic breaking, the option of the driver to kill themselves and others by driving too fast is to be taken away.

Some may abhor this idea, as many did when wearing seat belts was made legally compulsory. ‘Why is my civil liberty to kill or injure myself being taken away?’

Those who voted against the power of Brussels to change UK legislation may have also voted against this removal of ‘liberty’, by voting to leave Europe. Why would any self respecting citizen of Great Britain and Northern Ireland want legislation ensuring Human Rights, Protection of the Environment, Animal Welfare and Food Hygiene standards, Consumer Rights, Manufacturing Standards, Food and Fishery Standards and Protection…for themselves and their children’s children? (What did the Romans ever do for us?)

So here comes the ‘bad news’ for fast drivers. In the longer term all cars will become driver-less. All cars will be driven at legal speeds and at safe distances between each other. The reason is that ‘freewill’ has enjoyed itself for too long. Ten people dying on the roads in the UK each day is not acceptable to me, and I suspect neither to the loved ones and relatives of road deaths.

There are plenty of ways a person can enjoy the wind in their hair. Walking up a hill on a windy day is one of them. Face the sun, close your eyes and breath.

I recommend it.