Ms. Smith stands before her Primary School class in an English State school on a very special day.

“Good morning boys and girls! Now quiet please. Quiet. That’s better.

This morning we have a very special visitor who is going to listen to what WE think. This is instead of Nature Table which we will do tomorrow. No Peter, it is fair because the nature table with still be there tomorrow and the Prime Minister will not.

So I want you to welcome the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, Mr Boris Johnson. Yes, you can clap if you want to children. Oh, you don’t want to, alright.

Mr. Johnson, you asked to listen to the adults of the future. Well here they are!”

“Wha, Wha, Wha, good morning Ms. Smith and good morrow boys and girls. I am really really interested in what you think about stuff.”

“Jimmy, why is your hand up?”

“What’s this bloke mean stuff Miss?”

“Ah! wwwwwell that’s a good question. You see being vague is a great way not to be specific but, but, but I see that may work in the House but not here. So I shall focus, robustly. Firstly, we have left that great monster known as the European Union in which you would have found opportunities for travel, education and work. So I want to know – from YOUR happy faces – what opportunities you believe have opened up for your futures, from Independence.’

A small girl waves a hand energetically.

‘My Dad says the UK has its sovereignty back but I cannot see that the UK has ever lost it’s sovereignty. Surely sovereignty is really Nationalism made to sound more respectable, is it not? No, don’t interrupt please Prime Minister that was a rhetorical question. Look at the evidence. What is the national flag of the United Kingdom? The Union flag, of course, not the EU flag. What is the currency of the United Kingdom? The pound, not the Euro. When we go on holiday, all the European cars have registration plates from their own countries, not European plates. Cars are insured in their home countries and are inspected annually in their home countries, and taxed in their home countries. The rules of the road are set nationally – we drive on the right, Europe on the left. It is true that passports were standardised by Europe but that streamlines free movement of people and increases border security. If you want another coloured cover with the UK crest on, you can buy one. There is no ‘identity card’ in the UK whereas most EU countries have one. All countries do things differently. Nationalism in Europe is alive and well, in my view.’

‘Thank you Marlene, that was very interesting wasn’t it Prime Minister?’

‘Bah bah, yes, bah, factually correct but my point is, dah, wouldn’t it be nice not to have to buy a new passport cover. £4 in Smith’s mine was. Many households cannot afford that.’

A small boy next to the water cooler stands up to speak.

‘I would like to bring up the subject of free trade. If the Germans sell cars to China within the EU rules, why can’t we? The EU has spent decades agreeing trade deals from the strong negotiating position that politically aligned block commands. These trade deals are largely responsible for making the UK wealthy and in a position to share it’s wealth and know how. The latest trade deal with South America is something the UK is now going to miss out on. By leaving the EU we will lose the benefits of hundreds of good trade deals all over the world and replace them with fewer deals on similar or worse terms. The new deal with the Japanese is an example. We already traded with Japan from within Europe. This new ‘deal’ greatly favours the Japanese. Individual trading countries like the UK’s now is, never negotiate from a position of strength.’

‘That is most interesting Nigel, wasn’t it Mr Johnson? I see you are speechless. So, Penny you have your hand up dear?’

‘I want to say that I want to work in Europe when I grow up.

Now if I even want to search for a job in France, I will not be allowed to for more than three months without returning to England, I will need medical insurance, will have to pay to exchange my money into euros and back again, pay high charges to phone my parents a few hundred miles away and my UK qualifications will not be considered valid. Am I destined to stack supermarket shelves in Calais?’

‘Wow, wow, wargh…just get a job in Blighty little girl. They speak English here!’

‘As do most Europeans. It’s a universal second language in Europe, excepting Estonia, Latvia and England, Dumbo.’

‘Penny, politeness is a classroom rule, please.

Ms. Smith moves on the questioning. ‘Can I ask you a question Prime Minister which is about taxation, health care, service industries, the Royal Family, national and European security, policing, defence, foreign aid, research and projects all of which are governed in law at a general level, by Westminster. What is left that is governed by Brussels?’

‘Are well, Brussels, ugh, is at the root of the problem because our views are not represented there…’

Bobby by the fish tank piped up. ‘Not true! What are MEP’s for if not to represent the UK? Why has the UK agreed to 95% of new European laws if it didn’t agree with them? I want to play with toys that are safe because EU law has made them safe. Not some dangerous toy from a third world factory.’

Another child stands up and leans forward taking an aggresive debating stance, ‘Yes, and I want my human rights protected by the European Court of Human Rights, not by a national government of any political persuasion!’

‘…werg, werg, what what I mean is that some of our laws are made in Brussels and some of those are very bad for us indeed. Very bad.’

Girl with plaits in the second row. ‘Which laws?’

‘Erg well, let me see, the Common Agricultural Policy for instance hands out money to farmers for nothing. We want to pay farmers for looking after birds and bees. Isn’t that what you want for your futures?’

‘Modern industrial farming methods have driven the wildlife to the edges of extinction not by European law. Organic, sustainable farming costs less than fertiliser guzzling intensive farms. Coupled with the public’s expectation of cheap food, as is the American farming model and you have a perfect storm against the environment. We don’t need laws, we need farmers with who produce food ethically and affordably.

Johnson points a finger meaninglessly and retorts, ‘Ah, yes, well what does the apple in your lunch box cost little boy? Eh?’

‘It costs the lives of fewer bees because the EU has banned the pesticides that kill bees and other insects. Without EU laws which protect the environment our futures would be bleak – factory farmed food from the USA will flood domestic markets. Lamb producers in the Welsh mountains will be priced out of business. Where is the independence in that?’

‘Yes, yes, yes, well since you like farming young man you can get a job as a picker all over the UK, anywhere you want because there will be no Europeans in our fields picking.’

The young child is not convinced. ‘Picking is seasonal and the climate in the UK means one must travel south in the winter for work. To move around the EU freely without borders.’

A tall and slim girl who until now has been looking out of the window raises and arm, stands and begins…

‘Prime Minister. There are clearly many areas where the UK is now going to struggle without the benefits of close partnership with it’s nearest neighbours. Australia for instance looks to the Pacific Rim countries for it’s trade and service industries. Historically the old Commonwealth loyalties went out of the window when the UK joined the EEC. That was a strategic decision made then and we cannot call upon ‘loyalty to the Empire or Commonwealth any longer’. The UK like Spain and Japan and many other European countries have moved on from the values of Empire for realistic, modern ethical reasons. Empire for the UK was an episode of shame. If we now claim to value sovereignty, we have to show respect for the sovereignty of other countries. Take Scotland, Ireland and Wales as an example. If we follow your argument to ‘take back control’, is this not a green flag for the break up of the United Kingdom?’

‘Bbbbblimey. How old are you?’

‘Please answer my question.’

‘Well of course not, we are a Unionist party and we want the United Kingdom to stay firmly together as one great nation. We shall do this by not allowing the Scottish people to have a referendum on their future. That’s the Scots out of the way. What’s the other place? Ah! Wales, well, we still have lots of castles in Wales don’t we, hah, hah! Joke! Just kidding! Wales voted to remain in the United Kingdom, I mean in the European Union so yes, we might expect trouble there but nothing I cannot overrule. And then there is the thorny question of Northern Ireland and the Good Friday Agreement that those Yanky Doodles seem to take a high moral stand about. Well, I think my brilliant idea of an underwater border making Northern Ireland AS IF it was part of the EU should not be taken as an indication it should join it’s friends, family, partners and Unionists IN Europe. Union of an island is not a good idea…when it’s Ireland you are talking about, I mean…not us.’

As if he was wondering what he had just said, the PM pauses, then restarts as if inspired,

‘…and unless you are talking about uniting a continent…whereas union of our island of Britain is because our passports are now blue and we intend to remain blue and British…with Northern Ireland that is, unless they vote otherwise…’

The Prime Minister turns to Ms. Smith and hisses in her ear not very discretely…’vargh, it’s so unfair these children asking difficult questions. You told me it would be easy, I came unprepared. Eton is not all it’s cracked up to be you know, just because I sound posh doesn’t mean I know what I am talking about. It’s not like State schools where there is a common aim of high academic standards and creating descent human beings. No, I mean I was bbbbullied you know and that Latin teacher… I mean horrible things went on…’

He is interupted by a boy bouncing eagerly on his seat and waving his arm in the air.

‘Miss, miss, miss can I ask a question about border control and how countries only control their borders in one direction and how Eire may make their UK border harder, undermining the Good Friday Agreement?’

‘No, Simon I am afraid we would love to ask that question but we are out of time and the Prime Minister is a busy man.’

‘Thank you children for this morning. Just remember that channel tunnel links us with the whole of Europe and beyond, as does Dover, so we are not going to forget our friends over there.’

‘And the channel tunnel links the whole of Europe and beyond with four small countries, who cannot agree…’ piped in Simon.

The PM stood up uncomfortably from his rather small chair and turned eagerly to Ms. Smith as she gestured him to step out of the room first.

‘What’s for lunch then Ms. Smith? Fish? Thank heavens we didn’t get any questions about fish eh! (laughs) Especially since UK cod comes from Greenland and Norway. I bet they would have known that, and that herring and lobster and scallops that we fish, are mostly sold to Europe. My they are well informed your children, at least we got education right. Is it this way? I shall just follow my nose. Bah!