Come along children! Find your places quickly. All sitting down; I am waiting…

Now today we are going to be doing something very important. We are going to be the Houses of Parliament. That is why the chairs are different this morning.

Well there aren’t any houses in the houses of parliament, Boris. It’s just a name. I don’t know why they are called houses. Just imagine it to be one big house.

…with a garden?

No, Boris, there is no garden. Well because they don’t like flowers.

Now if you remember we need someone to be prime minister. Put your hand up if you would like to be prime minister!

Well there must be someone wants to be prime minister. Come on what about you Teresa? You will? Oh thank you very much. Make a space for Teresa so she can sit in the middle behind the pile of boxes.

Well, Boris those boxes are called the despatch box. It’s where people speak from. No not from inside a box. Outside.

Now we have a prime minister, so we need a leader of the opposition.

You would like to be one Jeremy? Thank you. You can sit opposite Teresa. No don’t make faces at her that’s not very nice.

Who is making that humming noise? Stop it please.

Who else do we need children? Any ideas.

Father Christmas! Well that would be funny wouldn’t it? No, I don’t think we need a Father Christmas. Nor, a tree, nor presents, you are just be silly Jeremy! Settle down everyone! Sit up straight!

Thank you. What a silly idea that was. Anyone else with a sensible suggestion.

We need a Phoney Secretary do we Amber? I think you mean Home Secretary. Yes, you can be one. Move up next to Teresa. Nicely! Good.

And a Fun Secretary! Well what a funny name! No, that’s a Foreign Secretary we need, though I expect we could all do with a Fun Secretary.

He would give out free sweets would he Jeremy? I think politicians have to have better ideas than that. Well, because I do. Well because the country would quickly run out of sweets.

No you can’t put up taxes to pay for the sweets. No you can’t. Not today, or any day. Because you are the leader of the opposition Jeremy that’s why. You are not in power.

You know who is. Yes you do. Who can help Jeremy remember who is in power children?

Yes Teresa, you and your party are in power. They are called the Conservative party.

Who is whistling? Come on. Oh it’s you Boris! Why are you whistling Happy Birthday? Because there is a party. No, it’s not that kind of party. You like party’s do you? I expect we all do but let us remain focused. Concentrate on what we are doing.

So now we have a government and an opposition, what are we going to do? Any ideas? Oh, what a lot of hands up!

Okay, Jeremy, what would you like to say?

That’s not a good policy. Keeping out the Jews has never worked Jeremy. Well because it’s prejudice. Well that means, not liking someone without any reason. No I do like the head teacher. Yes, I do. The provision of parking spaces to junior members of school staff is not what we are going to debate, Jeremy. No I am not a Jew either.

We want a nice policy. Teresa, do you have any ideas?

Not really. Oh. What sort of prime minister has no ideas!

Jeremy, that kind of language can go into the toilets and be flushed out! Off you go. Sit in the toilets until you have cleaned out your mouth. Now!

Oh you have thought of something have you Teresa? More Grammar Schools! Well with so many things going on the world, I wonder why you think that is important?

So you can have a better chance of getting into one next year? Well that is some sort of a reason.

Who has a better idea for a policy? You have one Boris do you?

Hating Russia! Oh dear. We do have a lot of prejudice in our class this morning. No we are not going to have a vote on it Boris. Well because it is a stupid idea. And hating the North Koreans, and the Chinese…we are not going to vote at all unless someone has a sensible policy!

I am waiting.

I am waiting.

Is your hand up Teresa? It is. What is your policy?

Britain should leave Europe and the rest of the world and head off into space.

Oh dear.

There goes the bell. After break it’s reading skills so bring your reading books. Go nicely out of class now and don’t run in the corridors!

Just think readers. One day, these children could well be in charge of the country!